i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
