Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
