she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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