if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
