Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
