My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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