Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
