sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
