They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
