And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
