I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
