I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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