the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
