btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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