So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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