just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
