I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
