Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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