What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize