If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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