I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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