hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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