I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
babies were throwing up all over the place
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
