So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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