where am i from again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
