she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
