I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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