i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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