she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
