So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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