I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize