I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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