Porn is love you can see.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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