dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
