there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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