Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
