he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
