How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
