My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
