I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
