Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
