I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
