i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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