Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
