3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
they're like a gay fantastic four
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
And then he peed in my hair
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