I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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