Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
