so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
