Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
