While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
