he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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