Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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