I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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