there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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