3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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