There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
