Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
