you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
