A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
