Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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