I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize