I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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