I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
there is glitter all over my balls
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
