What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
