Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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