Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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