glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
