did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
