The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
