Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
