at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
