My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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