just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
