Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
