Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I don't deserve a penis
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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