Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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