ugly people sure do ruin things
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
