drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
