We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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