i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
