OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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