Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
