If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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