OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
